Thanksgiving 2011

  What a nice holiday.  I will clap myself on the back and say the food was good.  I tried to make everyone's favourites.   I hope everyone had a wonderful one with family and friends.  My inlaws were here.  It was a nice visit, though it had some tense days.  Schooling was of course brought up, and that set the tone for the week.  Nothing was mentioned aloud of our eating, but the whispering was there, and that was annoying.  I held my tongue for once.  I really miss being around the rest of our family during the holidays.  It's a large and loud family.  Things are fun and interesting!
 
   I realized today that I have to plan the school week.  I completely forgot.  I'm happy I filed away the last week of school before holiday vacation.  I'm happy with our progress, so there are no real complaints.  This will possibly be a review week.

  Today I also reorganized my kitchen.  The cupboards should flow much nicer now.  Of course I went to the wrong one at least three times already.  Next I need to organize the guest room and office closets.  They bug me.

  On that note, a good friend of mine had her baby on Thanksgiving.  What a surprise.  I am very happy for her.  It's bitter-sweet and maybe that's wrong, but it's how I feel.  I wonder if I shall ever get past that.

Yer Blues

  I like the Beatles, guess that explains the title.  But I am feeling a bit blue.  Perhaps I'm just tired.  The school year is going well, at least I think so.  My husband is teaching the two days that I work, and I think that's great.  He and the boys are learning how to school and do whatever it is boys do.
  I like my job.  The people are nice.  Because it's a low cost vet clinic, I don't feel like I robbed someone, when I leave work.  I meet quite the array of interesting people.
  Co op is going wonderful.  We haven't been able to meet with our TWIGGS co op at all this year.  They meet on the same day that we have classes at our other co op, and the field trips are on days that I work.  It's a little disappointing  but there's not much I can do about it.  I am very happy with our curriculum this year.  Phonics Road 2 is excellent so far, as is Singapore math.  We've done a unit study on weather-we have quite the little meteorologist, and will be starting a unit on rocks.  The little guy is doing a little more letter work.  My husband is a little frustrated that he doesn't know all the letters yet, but he'll be fine.  I didn't teach our oldest to read until a little after he turned 5.  And we are slowly going through the history timeline.  The boys are both enjoying Egypt currently, and being mummies!

Jupiter brings what?

  Sigh.  The planet Jupiter is in the Pisces constellation now, and next month also I think.  Supposedly, this is a good sign for us Pisceans.  I admit, I know little of being a Pisces-nver studied it much.  I know I love the water as well as the land.  Being near the ocean is like therapy for me.  I can stand at the edge of the water, and just breathe in the salt air.  Feel it wash over me, cleansing.    I love the open fields, that are full of gently swaying grasses, dotted with wild flowers.  I can lay there and stare at the sky.  Absorb the warmth of the sun, and feel the connection to the land we live on.   There's also nothing like the great wilderness.  Waking up to the clear and crisp, mountain air, surrounded by wildlife and endless miles of forest.  There is a heaven there as well.  I do not have a favorite, I just know that I love being in contact with the earth.  I absolutely despise flying or being in the air.  I know there are other factors of being a Piscean, and reading through them, I'd say I'm perhaps half of them.  When I compare myself to my sister, also a Piscean, we are like mirrors, in that we reflect each others strengths and weakness, in opposites.  A little about Pisces.
 

Life, Death and Rebirth

   Sigh, I admit, I do still fall into bouts of sadness here and there.  Our family recently lost a great man.  He was eighty years old, sixty of those years married.  He has children and grandchildren.  He was involved with the community.  Now, just days before Christmas, with his passing, I'm sure the family is thinking of another loss.  The loss of a great woman, who was a great-grandmother, grandmother and mother, on Christmas day, ten years ago.  See, holidays and death.
  Selfishly, today, as I was looking at our Christmas tree, I was overcome with sadness.  Partly, because this is a funeral we will not be able to attend, and say goodbye.  And because it reminds me that we didn't have any type of memorial for our unborn infant, that we lost last year.
 I feel robbed of a proper goodbye.
 I feel robbed, of not having a first ornament on our tree, or a new one this year.
 I feel robbed of not having a newborn picture on the wall, next to the other boys.

Family Christmas

      A friend mentioned that she loves the holiday season, because it's about family, and that's what makes it so special.  I couldn't agree more, and why I usually love Christmas as well. 

 There are a few that really stand out. 

 There are some I'd like to forget. 

   Last year we traveled across the US to be with our family and friends for the holiday.  It was pretty cool.  We got to play in the snow, and the kids had a blast.  This year, my mother in law will be visiting us.  Which is wonderful, as I miss her, and otherwise we'd be alone for the holiday.  It should be a nice, relaxing holiday.  I'm counting on it, after the year it's been.  We are an almost whole family this year.  I don't feel as broken, and last year, we almost were.  It makes me think of one of my favorite Christmas songs, "O Holy Night", and the lines, "A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."  How true it is.  How true it is.

What Children Learn

  I just wanted to share this poem today.  I'm having one of those burned out mom days, where my brain feels fried.  I read about Tetnus over coffee this morning, but the day was pretty much all kid stuff.  School, library, play, lunch, then co op.  By dinner I think we were all burned out.  And it seems everyone I know has either had a baby last month, or having one this month.  While I am happy, it also hurts. I'm having a tough time keeping things sorted out, in a way, as the holiday approaches.  But since my day was mainly about the kids, it made me think of this poem.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Oh Christmas Tree

    Well, we have our tree. It's a rather large tree, but our boys proclaimed in to be, "The Perfect Christmas Tree", and we couldn't refuse. Even though I had my doubts about the size, I was outnumbered three to one. The third being my husband, who was saying that the seven/eight foot trees looked a better size, than the five/six foot ones.
   So, now there is a huge, in my opinion, tree in our living room. It touches the ceiling.  And, it's a very full tree. Unadorned, it looks misplaced. A little lonely.  I know, that once we add on the colorful lights and ornaments, it will look better.  Have a bit of that Christmas magic. Bring those glorious smiles to the faces of our little guys.
   I wish there were three, I really do. If I let myself dwell on it, my chest starts to feel heavy, and my heart seems to crumble. I blink back the tears.  I hope in some of that Christmas magic, that things will be right this upcoming year. That perhaps this emptiness I feel, will be filled with new life.
   Looking at this large tree makes me realize we made a good choice. Because how many years before the amazement of what is, "The biggest tree ever", wears off? Only until they grow so tall, right? It's something I hope they never forget, and will tell their children about one day.

Christmas Begins

       For our family, the Christmas holiday has now begun. The boys are excited about everything this year. They couldn't wait to unwrap all the decorations and put them out. They are impatiently awaiting the day we go pick out a tree. I hear them humming Christmas songs as they color and play. I hear their unrestrained laughter, as they play with garland and snow globes, so free and alive, so innocent.  I don't think there is any sound like the laughter of a child.  Or the look of pure love and happiness that radiates from their faces.  I hope the world never gives them reason to hide who they truly are. An unrealistic idea, perhaps, but not impossible.

    

  

Going Up Top

 
  "Going Up Top!"
   I hear two little boys yelling this, and a pounding of feet down the hall.


 Crash


  "We're just playing football, mom!"


 More little pattering down the hall. Back down again, and this time through the kitchen.

  "Going up top!"


  Wham!

  I see, a little body go flying backwards onto the floor.  Silence. Then crying.
 In the split second I wonder if he slammed off the wall, but no, he fell the wrong way. I'm almost afraid to look at his face...the one now hiding behind his hand.

  "I ran into the corner of the couch. There's blood!"


 Ok, not so bad. Split lip. But not enough to get stitches. The mention of a dr sends more of a hysteria through this little body, than the sight of the blood on my arm, or his face. Get some ice, some hugs and all is ok.

  Going up top. Some how, I don't think two little boys will be running through the kitchen, and around the corner, quite so quickly. Two little boys, that could have had a brother or sister running right behind them. One, Three and Five. It's starting to settle in that we would have had three children running around. When I tuck the boys in, I wonder where I would have placed the other bed.

When I bought a booster seat a week ago...a passing thought that I would have been switching a different seat as well.

 When I realized that we would have had a birthday party, I just stared at the calendar. The day was my own. I enveloped it. Breathed it in. Cried. And after I tucked my boys in that night, I said a Happy Birthday, to that child. I felt it was one thing I could do, for how many a first birthday do you get to have?

"Going up top!"


 Maybe I heard a third chuckle as the boys were running around. Maybe it was just my imagination. Either way, I can smile now at the thought without crying,  and yes the sound, that I think was only for my ears alone to hear.....