Star Light, Star Bright

    I don't have much to talk about today. I usually make a point of not turning on the news or pc on Sunday's. Though, Sunday is a day where my thoughts tend to compose themselves for the week. Sort of find slots in my mind until they are needed.  Anyhow,

    I find myself once again, standing outside, in the night, staring at the starry night. It's bright around us, so it takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, to fully see the night sky.
The beauty of it
The vastness of it
In the summer, I can see Venus on the horizon, but tonight I can't find it
I imagine the winter sky above my sister's house tonight to be almost black
  the starts shining brightly; the country sky
It's a reminder of what the sky was like in the desert, or over the vast ocean
I'm drawn to the stars and what I find there

  

Rudolph..a child's first look into conforming?

   Hmmm, Rudolph may be a nice deer, but the holiday cartoon sure isn't. And at one time in my life I believed it to be okay. I looked forward to watching it as a child. As I grew up, I got it that you are supposed to be nice. And hey, everything works out in the end, right?  But what damage is done?

Tree Traditions?

     We don't have a tree decorating tradition. Growing up, our house didn't have one. I would like to have one.
  My best friend did have a tree tradition, at least I'm pretty sure she did, growing up. And oddly enough, I can't recall the details. I remember getting the tree, placing it in front of the French doors, and that evening we decorated it, as a family. We all had ornaments, and being my first year, I had a few of my own as well. I distinctly remember a moose, of all things. It was the first ornament that was ever mine. That was the year I lived with them, my other family. Though, by that time, things had changed between us already, and there was a growing distance and conflict. Looking back, I feel like it was that line, of being young and stupid. I'm not positive how much of that was reality, but I do know I pushed them away, which was stupid. That her and I let people and things come between us. Now, over a decade later, we are acquaintances at best. We have miles between us, and not just mountains and streams. At Christmas, I sometimes wonder if they decorate the tree with that moose, or do they keep it packed away, and the memories with it.

Oh Christmas Tree

    Well, we have our tree. It's a rather large tree, but our boys proclaimed in to be, "The Perfect Christmas Tree", and we couldn't refuse. Even though I had my doubts about the size, I was outnumbered three to one. The third being my husband, who was saying that the seven/eight foot trees looked a better size, than the five/six foot ones.
   So, now there is a huge, in my opinion, tree in our living room. It touches the ceiling.  And, it's a very full tree. Unadorned, it looks misplaced. A little lonely.  I know, that once we add on the colorful lights and ornaments, it will look better.  Have a bit of that Christmas magic. Bring those glorious smiles to the faces of our little guys.
   I wish there were three, I really do. If I let myself dwell on it, my chest starts to feel heavy, and my heart seems to crumble. I blink back the tears.  I hope in some of that Christmas magic, that things will be right this upcoming year. That perhaps this emptiness I feel, will be filled with new life.
   Looking at this large tree makes me realize we made a good choice. Because how many years before the amazement of what is, "The biggest tree ever", wears off? Only until they grow so tall, right? It's something I hope they never forget, and will tell their children about one day.

Christmas Begins

       For our family, the Christmas holiday has now begun. The boys are excited about everything this year. They couldn't wait to unwrap all the decorations and put them out. They are impatiently awaiting the day we go pick out a tree. I hear them humming Christmas songs as they color and play. I hear their unrestrained laughter, as they play with garland and snow globes, so free and alive, so innocent.  I don't think there is any sound like the laughter of a child.  Or the look of pure love and happiness that radiates from their faces.  I hope the world never gives them reason to hide who they truly are. An unrealistic idea, perhaps, but not impossible.