Going Up Top

 
  "Going Up Top!"
   I hear two little boys yelling this, and a pounding of feet down the hall.


 Crash


  "We're just playing football, mom!"


 More little pattering down the hall. Back down again, and this time through the kitchen.

  "Going up top!"


  Wham!

  I see, a little body go flying backwards onto the floor.  Silence. Then crying.
 In the split second I wonder if he slammed off the wall, but no, he fell the wrong way. I'm almost afraid to look at his face...the one now hiding behind his hand.

  "I ran into the corner of the couch. There's blood!"


 Ok, not so bad. Split lip. But not enough to get stitches. The mention of a dr sends more of a hysteria through this little body, than the sight of the blood on my arm, or his face. Get some ice, some hugs and all is ok.

  Going up top. Some how, I don't think two little boys will be running through the kitchen, and around the corner, quite so quickly. Two little boys, that could have had a brother or sister running right behind them. One, Three and Five. It's starting to settle in that we would have had three children running around. When I tuck the boys in, I wonder where I would have placed the other bed.

When I bought a booster seat a week ago...a passing thought that I would have been switching a different seat as well.

 When I realized that we would have had a birthday party, I just stared at the calendar. The day was my own. I enveloped it. Breathed it in. Cried. And after I tucked my boys in that night, I said a Happy Birthday, to that child. I felt it was one thing I could do, for how many a first birthday do you get to have?

"Going up top!"


 Maybe I heard a third chuckle as the boys were running around. Maybe it was just my imagination. Either way, I can smile now at the thought without crying,  and yes the sound, that I think was only for my ears alone to hear.....